30 things I’ve learned as an emotional sponge 🧽
Learning how to master your personal rinse and repeat cycle of absorbing, becoming saturated, and wringing out emotions 🧼
What’s an emotional sponge?
You’re likely someone who absorbs all feelings very easily and holds onto them very easily. Even when others are acting out against you, you can see past that behavior and sense the hurt and pain that has accumulated within them.
In this interview, Dr. Alok Kanojia (also known as “Dr. K”)—Harvard-trained psychiatrist turned content creator on Twitch and mental health startup cofounder—speaks with LilyPichu—content creator from OfflineTV, artist, and musician—about her experiences with being such a person.
What prompted this? 💡
Besides Dr. K and LilyPichu’s conversation, my eternal gratitude also goes to John Cutler for his post about 20 lessons learned as a systems (over)thinker, which sparked the line of thinking behind this month’s edition.
Without further adieu, here are the 30 lessons I’ve learned as someone who feels all the things intensely and extensively.
Outsource love and care. Find a supportive group of friends or peers whom you can turn to for emotional support, a significant other who loves you just as you are, or all the above.
The world may seem cruel at times, yet there is still a lot of goodness and beauty in it when you look for it. We’re hardwired to remember negative experiences. It’s an evolutionary survival mechanism—no more, no less.
Practice mindfulness through activities that engage your frontal cortex. Examples include prayer, mediation, and journaling.
Fully bask in the moments of happiness, joy, delight, or bliss when they happen.
Keep a gratitude journal. Be as specific and as vivid as possible in your entries.
Are you having a bad day? Pull out your gratitude journal and read it.
A good cry every now and then can be the cathartic release you need.
Be intentional about any and all content that you consume before it drowns you in a bottomless pit of despair.
Ask yourself if the emotions you’re feeling are your own or that of others.
You may spend a lot more time sitting with and reflecting on your emotions than most people.
Simultaneously and seemingly contradictory, you may have also picked up a maladaptive behavior of suppressing your emotions to “fit in” with society.
Take the time to sit with and digest your emotions before you bottom them all up then eventually and inevitably proceed to explode like a volcano. After all, processing emotions takes time and mental space. Make time for this. Here is an informative 25-minute talk about processing emotions.
A creative hobby or interest is one of the best outlets for channeling your emotions.
Engaging with other people’s creative works, such as watching films or TV shows and listening to music, also helps with processing difficult emotions and better understanding the human condition.
Expand your emotional vocabulary—this emotion wheel is a good starting place. Getting better at describing or labeling how you’re feeling will help you become more attuned with your feelings and emotional state.
You are not your emotions. They’re merely states we go through. Be mindful of the language you use to help yourself or others understand how you’re feeling.
This tendency can feel like a heavy burden to bear when you or folks in your personal or professional circles are going through tumultuous times.
You don’t owe an explanation or apology for how you’re feeling or how you react emotionally to a situation to anyone, including yourself.
Many times, there is no logic behind emotions. If you feel judged for reacting to a situation in a certain way, that says more about the person casting judgment on you than it does about you.
You don’t need to change this aspect of who you are. Start from a place of self-acceptance over self-judgement.
You might be prone to having a tendency of putting the people whom you respect on a pedestal and downplaying your own accomplishments. Remember that we’re all only human, each with our unique strengths, flaws, and quirks.
Learn to trust your intuition.
Not everyone will relate to your experience of being an emotional sponge, either due to inherent natures, socialization, or (more likely) a mixture of both.
Some people innately have a high emotional intelligence (EQ) on the dimensions of self-awareness, self-regulation, and empathy. For others, it requires more intentional effort to decompose their emotions and make sense of them. We’re all different.
If you feel hurt by others’ words or actions, take time to recover. Assume positive intent or ignorance from their end. If there is a high degree of trust between you and them, consider sharing with them how their words or actions made you feel and how it impacted you.
People may intentionally or unintentionally treat you as their emotional dumping ground. Be attuned to this. Have the courage to disengage when you feel as though someone is taking too much from your emotional cup.
Experiencing pain in life is inevitable. Suffering is optional and is oftentimes self-imposed. The root of all suffering lies in the expectations that we hold about ourselves or our world, whether they stem from intrinsic or extrinsic factors.
Anger, surprise, disgust, joy, fear, and sadness are universal emotions.
The spectrum of emotions we’re capable of feeling are like the diverse flavors of food. If we only experienced “positive” emotions, they wouldn’t feel as uplifting as they do.
Everyone reacts to situations differently. While there are general trends of “typical” emotional responses to common situations, there is no singular “right” way to respond to any situation.